Let's talk about SEX

I love having the sex talk with teenagers, it's absolutely hilarious. I remember when I was talking to my boyfriends 17 year old brother about sex, and how he needs to use protection if he's going to have sex. He comes from a strict catholic mother that says "Don't do it until you're married". While that works for some people it didn't work for him. So I decided to talk to him and let him know that I want him to be protected whenever he decides to have sex. I took him to Raising Canes in Lewisville and we had dinner and I asked about his sexual experiences. He was hesitant at first but eventually opened up. After we talked for a long time, I took him to Walmart and bought him condoms. This was the fun part, I embarrassed him so much! I was just saying things like, well do you want "her pleasure" or "ultra thin". It was fun to address it this way, and I felt like it took some of the pressure off of him. There were times where I was serious though and said that I wanted him to share an experience like sex with someone he truly cared about, however it was his decision to decide who he has sex with. I told him that I would always be here to help him out but that I would't be raising his child, so if he and his partner decided to have sex without a condom and got pregnant, that he would have to take responsibility for his actions. I asked him if he had any questions for me, and surprisingly he did. He asked what happens if he couldn't get "excited" at the right time, and why I had decided to hold of on having sex with anyone. I told him I couldn't really help him with the getting excited part, but that his body would know what to do when the time is right and that if he wasn't getting excited that there was some reason for that. Now for the reason why I haven't had sex, it was because I wanted it to be with someone I really knew I loved. That it means more to me than just having sex. I don't try to push that on anyone but I know that more than enough women attach sex to love and they can't separate the two, and I'm sure I'd be one of those women. So instead of just having sex and creating some allusion of love for someone I probably wouldn't have feelings for otherwise, I've just decided to wait until I know I've found that person I want to share that experience with.

I feel like I'd have a very similar situation if it were my pre-teen that I was having this discussion with. I'd take them out to a restaurant or to get ice cream and just tell them the facts about sex. That it's a natural part of life and that as a growing (boy or girl) that it's a natural desire to want to explore these feelings. That sex with someone else can be very pleasing but that it can also be very dangerous and that you need to use some sort of protection to prevent an STI or pregnancy. I would tell my child that having sex is normal and to not feel embarrassed about wanting to do it or pressured by someone else to have it. Since we had that contraceptive lesson the other day, I feel like I know more about barrier methods than I would like. But I'd explain all the contraceptive options out there and advise what to use. I'd then take them out to buy condoms or whatever type of contraceptive they decided to use, and demonstrate the correct way to use it. I'd also tell them what I told my boyfriends brother, that I would hope that they would wait to have sex with someone they truly cared about, but no matter what happens I'll always love them. That they need to be safe about having sex because I do not need to be a grandmother too early, and that if they have a baby that they are responsible for taking care of it. I'd then encourage them to ask questions if they ever had any, and that they shouldn't feel scared to ever come to me to talk about sex.

I feel that I am very open when it comes to talking about sex. I can't wait to be able to talk about this with my children to see how it really turns out in life, and what they might ask.